Sunday, August 28, 2011


As I begin this post, I am once again saddened that I do not have pictures to go with the memories. Maybe someone reading this will have a photograph or two.
In my defense, before the digital age, picture taking was quite an expensive undertaking.  You did not just go around taking pictures of ordinary buildings and such, after all, you could see them anytime you wanted: the ignorance of youth!

Those of you with deep roots in Hogansville will remember that my Dad, Gordon Cook, owned a service station on the corner of Hwy. 29 and Ware St. He was also the ticket agent for the Greyhound Bus Line. In those days people rode the bus a lot (Coon and I had many experiences on the GREY DOG, but that's another blog).

The south-bound buses would routinely pull along side the two gas pumps that was our entire "fuel island" in those days. I was uncommon the have more than two cars wanting gas at the same time. Such was life in the '60's! The north-bound buses were another matter altogether. If there was a car at the roadside of the gas pumps, the north bus had trouble finding enough room to pull far enough onto the lot so that exiting passengers would not step into the roadway.

Enter Mr. Mac Hopson into the story. Directly across the street from my dad's service station was the ghost of an old "filling station", a place where you could only buy gasoline. It still had the "visible" gasoline pumps, the kind with the glass containers on the top so that you could see the gas that was being delivered to you car. I remember seeing Mr. Hopson operating one of those pumps a few times. Those pumps and the building are all gone now. The pumps ended up who knows where. After all they are priceless. Still it would be great to have one restored and stilling in the corner of City Hall as a reminder of simpler, saner  times. More wishful thinking! Mr. Mac was also reportedly a "loan shark", a term that brings a smile to the face of those that knew that old gentleman. About 5'5", thin as a rail, stooped shouldered, shuffling about, did not fit my imagine of a knee breaker if you did not pay up. Not the Tony Soprano type of money man, Mr. Mac would loan money to every day folks who needed a few bucks until payday.

I'm sorry, I wondered off track as usual, back to the bus stop. There was plenty of room for a north bound bus to pull off the road with stopping in front of Mr. Hopson's store. However, for some reason the wind always seemed to blow from the bus towards his front door, which was always open in most cases. He, like most other folks, used a fan to keep cool. If you have ever seen a big diesel bus on dirt, then you have seen the dust storm they can kick up. All of this raining down on an old man that did not get one nickel out of bus fares. 


Now I am convinced that Mr. Mac knew the bus schedule as well as we did. There would be many times that my Mother (she was our cashier/ticket agent) would call out to nobody in particular, "The north-bound bus is coming!" What she meant by that was she was watching as Mr. Mac dragged, with great effort, a RAIN-BIRD lawn sprinkler, attached to a small stand and accompanying  hose, into position. The position being the approximate place of the door when the bus would pull onto "HIS" side of the road. Not wanting to waste water and run up his water bill, Mr. Mac would stand by his front door, where is water faucet was also located, and wait for "THE NORTH-BOUND!" Usually he could see it coming up the road, turn on the sprinkler, and discourage the driver from stopping on that side of the road.

The event that sticks out in my mind is the time he soaked the bus driver. On that particular day the sprinkler was in place, but for some reason, Mr. Mac did not turn the water on in time. Usually the driver does not get off the bus, unless he has a package in the baggage area. Greyhound to this day ships lots of packages by bus freight.

This particular driver did not know about the "sprinkler guard", especially since it was not on when he pulled to a stop that day. Well about the time the driver raised the cargo door to retrieve the package, the sprinkler came on, and it came on full blast. We could hear the shout across the road, albeit mixed with much profanity, as that water was cold. As that driver came running around the rear of the bus to get away from the deluge, all of us could not help but laugh! He was a mad as the proverbial wet hen. Still cussing and dragging a very large box, he dropped the box, grabbed a towel that my Mother mercifully offered. He wiped his soaked head, said, "Excuse my language, Ma'am, but I am going to kill that son-of-a-bitch!"  My Mother then pointed out Mr. Mac and told the driver that it would not be a good idea, as he was old, frail, small, AND carried a pistol in his pocket. Mother then stepped into Mr. Mac's view and waved her hands over her head as some sort of signal and the old man cut the water off.

The driver was still snorting like a bull and glaring at Mr. Mac, when Mother interjected, "now would be a good time to get back on the bus before he turns to water on again." Needless to say that driver never stopped on that side of the road again. Over time, word spread among the drivers and few, if any, of the drivers every stopped on Mr. Mac's side of the road again.

The amusing side of the story is that it was highway right-of-way and did not belong to Mr. Mac. Even so, I never heard that point raised. Mr. Mac showed me that if a problem arises, solve it and don't worry about the details.

It was a simpler time, a better time!

Friday, August 26, 2011


This is my latest invention for the people who read my blog! The CRAPPER-MOBILE are for folks who are as full of it as I am. Now you don't have to rush to the facilities after reading my column, just sit there and, well, you know.........

I am looking for investors and inventors to help me launch this. It also needs wi-fi and some way to keep the coffee hot. Send your suggestions today.

No, wait a minute, that won't work. It would mean that you would have to admit that you actually read this crap (no pun intended).


Thursday, August 25, 2011


I will be the first to admit that I do not know the meaning to the above title of this blog, but it does tie in nicely to the following tail, read slow and laugh hard!

To hillbillies were in a local restaurant when a young lady at the next table began to flail her arms wildly and clutch at her throat.
One of the country boys got up and approached her, "Can yer talk?", he asked her. She shook her head. "Can yer swaller?" Again she shook her head.
The man then turn her around, lifted her skirt, pulled down her panties, and began to lick her butt-cheek.
The woman was so surprised that she had a violent spasm, whereupon she spit out the object lodged in her throat.
The country boy politely pulled up her panties, lowered her skirt, and took his seat with his friend.
The second hillbilly had been watching and taking it all in and spoke up as his life saving friend sat down, "You know, Claude, I always heared about that there HIND-LICK maneuver, but that's the first time I seed it done."  

Being a retired EMT, I could not pass that one up.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


This is the last column of retiring columnist CHARLEY REESE of the ORLANDO SENTINEL. he has 49 years experience and this is the most NEUTRAL column to come along in many years. This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be. Neither anti-republican or anti-democrat, this has hit the nail square on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis must assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day. 

545 vs. 300,000,000 people
By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget.  The President does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations.  The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress.  In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.  They have no legal authority.  They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing.  I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash.  The politician has the power to accept or reject it.  No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault.  They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.  No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.  The President can only propose a budget.  He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.  Who is the speaker of the House now?  He is the leader of the majority party.  He and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want.  If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility.  I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people.  When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.

If the Army and Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan, it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan ...

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power.  Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy", "inflation", or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.  Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees ...

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

What you do with this article now that you have read up to you.
This might be funny if it weren't so true.
Be sure to read all the way to the end:

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges, IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Sales Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax

Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom, if agreed, stayed home to raise the kids.

What in the heck happened?  Can you spell 'politicians'?

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 545 times!!! YOU can help it get there!!!